11
April

Friendship unfiltered

Written by Sandy. Posted in: My family history, Trauma-informed
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Who is your safe place to vent or talk about what’s bothering you?

Choose those friends wisely so you feel safe when sharing. This keeps the doors open for honest communication vs. just the niceties you think everyone wants to hear. And then hold on to THAT friend.

I wasn’t always able to speak what was on my mind without constant filtering growing up in a PTSD-ridden household. I spent most of my childhood never speaking up because I was too busy trying to stay clear of the volatility in our family conversations. I’m well-versed in holding my tongue when necessary, but I also allow myself to express my opinion a whole lot more than when I was younger. I think I’m making up for lost time now. You see, my environment has changed.

I treasure those friends that love and care about me, as I am in any given moment, and listen. How about you?

My husband is my absolute best friend. He’ll let me rant when I need to because he knows me, I mean really knows me. So he listens. And he respects who I am and where I’ve come from enough to know that sometimes it’s best just to let me say what I need to say to get it out. Getting it out is healing. He understands that he’s the only one I share everything with and he honors that relationship. Being able to speak my thoughts without filtering is healing. He is healing.

Are you that someone for your friends?

My mind/body training as a yoga instructor and yoga therapist has had a huge influence on the state of my well-being and resiliency to stress. I no longer spin out of control with worry or upset like I did many years ago. But there are those occasions.

On the occasion that I’m really upset and my husband knows I’m ramping up, he’s the only one that can pull me back to center with a gentle nudge and a deep caring. There are no digs or insults in our relationship save the joke or two that we know are joking. My words are safe in his presence and his words are safe in mine. There is no armor to shield our energy. The walls are down. It’s an unfiltered relationship. Or perhaps, maybe in retrospect, it’s so naturally filtered that we just don’t let the bad stuff through. Either way, we know we are in a safety zone when speaking.

I’ve heard that when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.

Do you have a friend in your life that you feel safe sharing with—that unfiltered relationship with the shields down? Treasure them. Hold them close. Revel in it. They are so far and few between. The longer I know my husband the more in awe I am of him, the man that he is and what our relationship means to me. There’s a depth that’s palpable. It’s a friendship unfiltered. I shudder to think where I’d be emotionally without his huge heart surrounding my world.

So here’s to all those out there who will let their loved ones speak without a filter—those who will be the healing balm of “listening and responding with respect” for the person standing before them; and who will say your name differently because it’s safe in their mouth.

~

“Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.” ~ Unknown

“The quieter you become the more you can hear.” ~ Ram Dass

 

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